It has been a long time since I talked to my Aunt Betty - too long - but today, I rectified that...
The last time I spoke with Aunt Betty was shortly after Dad died. That was almost five years ago.
Aunt Betty is just as sweet as can be. Jeanie and I had visited her and Uncle Robert once, at their home in New Jersey, many, many years ago.
The problem was never them - it was always me.
I had never been allowed to develop a relationship with them as a child. My father had an on-again, off-again relationship (at best) with his sister, and my mother vehemently opposed an contact with my father or his side of the family.
So, it wasn't that they weren't nice. It was just that there was the baggage of years of opposition from my mother, coupled with years of indifference from my father. That, and for all practical purposes, even though they were family, they were strangers to me.
Last time we had spoken, I learned that they had moved to Cape Cod. They invited Jeanie and I to come visit, and Jeanie and I had discussed it a number of times, but we had never gotten around to making the trip.
Well, I have been working in Boston for the last two weeks - just a "stone's throw" from the Cape, and I knew that I was going to be here this weekend due to work. For the last year or two, I have also become acutely aware that there were major gaps in my knowledge regarding my father's side of the family. For example, I didn't even know my paternal grandfather's first name. The only potential for filling in some of this missing information, was to obtain it from my Aunt.
I had toyed with the idea of calling my Aunt to see if I could come visit, but I had a lot of trepidation at the thought. I guess I was afraid that my overture would be rejected. Jeanie encouraged me to call, so, I called Aunt Betty last week and let her know that I would be in the area, and asked if I might come to visit for a few hours on Sunday. Well, Aunt Betty's reaction was as far from rejection as you could get. You'd have thought that someone had called to let her know she had won the lottery! Her reaction made me feel very special. She said she was so glad to hear from me, as she was afraid that I 'might have been lost forever."
So yesterday (Sunday) I arose early (at least for a Sunday) and made the ~2 hour drive to Dennis, MA. Mapquest's directions were spot-on, and there was little traffic, so the drive was pleasant. I had had to work late on Saturday, and then went out to dinner with the deal team. By the time I got back from dinner, it was after 11:00 PM. I dreaded the idea of walking up to their door empty-handed, but given the lateness of the hour when I got back to my hotel on Saturday, and a tradition of "blue laws" in Massachusetts, I resigned myself to having to do so. I was incredibly pleased to find a grocery store quite near their house that was open on a Sunday morning, and that actually had fresh flowers!
So, bunch of flowers in hand, I approached their front door...
My reception could not have been any better. I was greeted with the warmth of a treasured family member. Aunt Betty had prepared brunch, so we sat down to eat, and talk, shortly after my arrival.
I had been concerned that the conversation might be awkward, given our sad family history, and that the time might drag. Well, the time flew by, and even though we ended up discussing some very painful topics, the visit was truly a pleasure for me. In fact, I ended up having to drag myself away, forced to by the existence of a 6:00 PM meeting back in Waltham.
I am happy to say, I now know my paternal grandfather's first name, along with lots of other information about my father's side of the family, and more importantly, that I have reconnected with a portion of my family that had been lost to me for far too long.
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Posted by David at July 19, 2004 01:27 AM | Categorized under: A day in the life