Not enough

Time or money...

There's just not enough of either.

I think, were there enough of the later, there might be enough of the former.

I think...

I think this because it seems that I spend so much of the former, trying to make the later. Therefore, had I enough of the later, I would not have to squander the former, pursuing the later.

Maybe I should be more precise in my whining.

Technically, I have just as many seconds each day (86,400) as any other person on the planet. What I don't seem to have enough of is time to do what I want to do.

I want to have more time to write entries for my blog. I want to have more time to spend with Jeanie. I want to have more time to fly. I want to have more good time - time not darkened by concerns over work, or money, or whatever. I want to have time to enjoy life, not to just trudge through it.

Lately, it seems that all I do is work. I get up early Monday morning, I work, I eat a hurriedly grabbed meal or two, I walk for an hour, I sleep for six or so hours, and start the cycle again on Tuesday. By Friday night, I'm exhausted - physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually - I feel like an empty ghost of a man. A good portion of most Saturdays are spent asleep. I get a few hours with Jeanie on Saturday between naps, and a few hours on Sunday between taking Mom out to dinner, trying to keep the bills caught up, and preparing for the following week's work.

The sad thing is that I know how fortunate I am. I realize that most of the world's population would kill to be in my shoes.

It just always seems like that brass ring is just beyond the tip of my outstretched fingers.

I keep thinking, "just hang on for a few more years, just tough it out till the finish line." Sometimes, I worry that I'll drop dead before I ever see it, much less cross it. Or that if I do manage to cross it, I'll be too drained to enjoy what's left of my time here, or that we won't have enough to live comfortably.

I feel like screaming for someone to stop the bus, because I want to get off. But, I don't know which bus to get on instead.

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Posted by David at February 11, 2006 08:59 PM