Back In The Saddle

I flew today for the first time since the surgery...

It felt good to get back up in the air, and I couldn't have asked for a prettier day to fly.

I ended up flying with the CAP squadron commander, which made Jeanie more comfortable than had I flown alone.

Turns out he had reserved the plane for the time right before I had, and he called me to let me know he might be a few minutes late getting back. When he called, he mentioned that he was going up to take some pictures, so I offered to fly, so he could concentrate on the photography.

After we did the photography thing, which was good practice for me - sort of like flying a real photography mission, I headed out northwest to do some slow flight, stalls, steep turns, etc. Paul even taught me how to fly a creeping line search, which is a skill I'll need when I get serious about becoming a mission pilot. It was also good to have another pilot there to provide feedback on my practice. After returning from the practice area and doing a few touch and goes, Paul and I switched seats and I rode shotgun while he shot a few approaches.

The good news is that my arm/hand was fine as far as the flying is concerned.

The bad news is that there's still some numbness in a part of the thumb, and a strange sensation in the palm and heel of the hand. It doesn't affect my ability to do things with the hand, it just bugs me.

The other bad news is that I'm starting to feel angry that my hand surgeon didn't refer me to a peripheral nerve surgeon. I don't know that having a peripheral nerve surgeon do the surgery would have yielded any better results, but the wondering is gnawing at me. And unfortunately, the Internet isn't helping me. I am still really confused about why, if it is a schwannoma, there was any impact to the feeling in my hand since everything I read seems to indicate that there shouldn't have been, which makes me think it is a neurofibroma, which would explain the impact, but then makes me question the diagnosis. And, if it is a schwannoma, everything I read seems to imply that it should have been able to have been safely removed, or at least significantly reduced. If anything, the lump in my arm is larger than when I started this whole mess, which, quite honestly, at this point, I wish I'd never started. All it did was take a lot of time, cost a lot of money, cause a significant amount of worry, cause pain for the actual surgery, and end up with things worse than they were before.

Yes, I am grateful that the tumor wasn't malignant. Yes, I'm grateful there weren't major complications like infection or severe nerve damage / loss of function. But, to be brutally honest, at the moment, I am feeling an itsy bit sorry for myself, which makes me feel like a turd, when I think about the really bad stuff so many people bravely endure.

I think I'll ponder that, and get my attitude straightened out, since the reality is that most of the world's population would gladly kill to switch places with me.

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Posted by David at November 19, 2006 01:24 AM